The leap of love

I haven't written a blog in a quite a while. My heart is bursting and my mind is spinning and if I don't get this out I might implode. I'm trying to understand why I always sabotage my relationships. Today I thought about all the guys that I've liked and when they started to show interest I run, no, sprint in the other direction. I've never had a serious boyfriend and it's because I'm scared. I'm scared shitless. I'm afraid that if I let someone in they will love me for a little while but get bored and move on and leave me, all alone. I'm arachnophobic (fear of spiders) and I would rather hold a tarantula in my hand than take a leap of love because at the end of the day we're all afraid of crashing to the ground with no one there to catch us. That's why we all watch the movies that portray the overly romantic relationships and that's why we read to our children the fairytales with the Princess who is rescued by her Prince Charming. It's because we all want that! A partner to spend your boring and exciting days with, a soulmate to share your deepest ambitions and secrets with, a lover that satisfies all your hopes, a best friend to console you on your worst days. If only I can let go and jump it would all be alright. God, please give me the courage to let go of my inhibitions, let me be okay with taking a risk and making the jump, the leap for love because everyone deserves to have someone love them in return. Because "the greatest of these is love".